The Fashion of Theology and Hearts

Hey, i apologize for the lack of my updates. our "team" computer breathed its last and left me unable to say anything, but let me say this.

We have safely arrived back in California, and i write from North County California, sitting where i had once written in months past concerning the truth that has just now come to fruition.

Despite seeing numerous countries, meeting hundreds of peoples and being involved in their lives, and thousands of spanish errors, we have arrived to our destination

-but

we are not finished yet.
soon we will be split up and some of our 9 group will go to Texas, to tell churches out there about our experiences, and about S.E.N.D. ministries, and the pathways of God's opportunities for our lives concerning missions; while the rest of us stay in Southern California visiting several churches and sharing God's heart with our brethren in the Body of Christ about His desire for His beloved to wake up, to be awakened to the Heart of Jesus.

although, we rest today, and visit dearly missed friends and family, we are still in the middle of this adventure; soon, we'll be whisked away again to far-away countries, wherever the Spirit may carry us, and we'll have more stories, and more jokes, and more adventures, and hopefully, we all and everyone we come into contact with will have more of Christ in their hearts.

we still need help in support of prayer and finances, and i will still communicate and transcribe, to the best of my abilities and availability, the stories that consists of this blog.

before i go and find something meaningless to do, i do want to mention our friend James Chapman - his family has recently experiences a tradegy, that although i don't have right to disclose details, it should be said that prayer for comfort will not go unheard. so please consider them in your times with the Lord

well, i'm tired of using computers, and the sun is setting, literally, and i want to be a part of it in some way or form

thank you all, and i will re-update the past adventures, whenever the surf is bad.

Nicaragua, Managua City, 9/18 - 9/28

Although, we had enjoyed ourselves in El Salvador, we carried on into Nicaragua, which I was excited for, but a bit apprehensive for the sake of the team. I’ve heard a lot of great stories about Nicaragua, but I’ve also heard all the different horror stories. Every place has its horror stories; where there are people, there are troubles. I’ve seen Nicaragua before and I was excited to spend some real time in the city that many of my friends has spent part of their lives there.

First off, Nicaragua actually is the poorest country (so we are told) in the western Hemisphere: apparently, Haiti was the most economically declined, but after the recent relief efforts that internationally have been contributed, now Nicaragua has slipped into that unfortunate positioning. Nicaragua also is a war-torn country, whereas El Salvador has a stable government but rebels and gangs that continue the unrest, Nicaragua has its political parties to rip apart their own country. Socialism is the governing power now, and has been in the past, which has inherited all the problems that one reads about in their “Government” class. War and rebellion is in the air, “viva la revolucion” is painted on every corner, and the statues to commemorate Nicaragua’s accomplishments are revolutionist leaders toting their assault rifles.

But that is life for some countries, and the people are rather apathetic about it all, as long as they can survive and have a television set.

As for us, we were quite busy: in the morning, we did service projects or taught english at the school nearby; evening, we went out into the streets to talk with people and pass out tracts and invite them to church; and at night, we helped with the services, whether it was playing the songs for worship or teaching.

It was a sweet time for us a team and with our contacts there. Despite all the things that Nicaragua has to go through on a daily basis, they are sweet people and our team loved Managua and our time there. It’s a place where I will have dear friends for a long time. it's amazing to see a church with so many youth in Central America; especially, young and older men of God whose hearts are for God and for their people, it's truly a rare thing. they fight a battle that no one else understands and can only come along side of them and help lift them up and push them forwards. i love them dearly and i saw how much the Lord loves them and cherishes their presence.

and so, R&R time

After Managua, we went to San Juan Del Sur for our time of rest.
And I surfed for the first time in a few months.
Yeeeaaaaaa, daaaaaah
More about that when I update again!

Honduras

I’m trying desperately to be responsible in the area of recovering from my irresponsibility of updates.
So, here is Roatan, Honduras.

Actually, I have to back up a little bit (just a tad) and state the type of adventure we had trying to get from Guatemala City to La Ceiba/Roatan, Honduras: horrible, that’s the type, just straight up horrible.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit exaggerated, but it was trying anyways. We had a small window of time to traverse across both countries and get to the port that taxis across the Caribbean to Roatan (for Roatan is an island, if you didn’t guess already), and as soon as we got on the bus, we found out that it was completely impossible to get there in time for the ferry.
That was a bad start. From there, it got worse. We didn’t have any money on us because of a withdraw limit we have on our team credit/debit card, and we were told by several people and the customs/borders website that traveling from Guatemala and Honduras is free, so we didn’t bring any money because we thought we’d be fine. Well, it wasn’t free, so we had to scramble enough money to pay, and on top of that, the border guard purposely over-charged us and I even called him on it and he just left his post and went on break.
After several other problems (lost bus tickets, malfunction ATM’s, unenjoyable bus movie viewing), we arrived in La Ceiba (the port city) far too late, and already at nightfall. The hotel that we were referred to was full, so we found one close to the port, so we couldn’t miss it. After get “robbed” by the taxi drivers (if you can help it, never get into a taxi without an established rate), we stayed in a hostile... Hostel... (ha.) which, at least, had air-conditioning, so it was nice eve despite the countless cockroach killings that were required to sleep in peace.

So, that was a lot more than I intended to write. So, without further to do:
Roatan, Honduras

A small, 7 mile, Caribbean island that is about 32 miles away from the coast of Honduras, Roatan is an extremely diverse place. The Islanders that originate from there speak “English” that almost sounds exactly like Kriol, and only a few years in recent history was the island given to Honduras and thus, the spanish speaking government moved in and enforced their spanish ways.
Roatan is also considered paradise, you probably even know somebody that went there for vacation, seeing as it’s the Caribbean, tropical, and based around the 2nd largest barrier reef in the world (I know, quite the place for missions work).
It’s also quite a dysfunctional little island with too much inflation economically, with retired rich americans and giant european companies running the tourism that makes up all the economy, while the majority of the residents, live in poverty. Poverty is, interestingly enough, usually only a financial state and not cultural/enjoyment condition, but because of the racist divide between the Islanders and the Hondurans, there is a constant state of unrest and mistrust. Unfortunately, this had led to all sorts of drug related problems, between the two groups, and as well as for the upper-class business owners who support the problematic state of drug affairs and discrimination.
We stayed with the Sonrise Missionary Hotel which is ran by a pastor, his son, and their families. There were plenty of ministries at the church that we were involved with, but the majority of our work was construction projects, mostly, working on a house for one of the ladies of the church. We were able to do house visits in the spanish community, worship and teaching for the services, and basically, had a lot of the fun with the families and their several wonderful kids. One of the kids happened to be an enthusiastic Star Wars fan, and therefore, was my best friend.
It was an interesting time for our team as it was the time of the most medical conditions we have had, nearly everyone got some sort of affliction. But I think we can look back on Roatan, and think of all the hilarious times we had, as well as the work we were able to spend ourselves to encourage the believers there.

Well, that’s about all I can say towards Roatan. It’s beautiful, and hot. And our friends there were delightful know-it-alls. But now we are about to leave El Salvador,
and so I’m almost caught up on updates. Kudos to me.

this is me playing catch up on updates:

Guatemala

So I must apologize for how inconsistently I have been updating. I realize that I’ve only fully updated one out of the four countries that we are currently en-route, onwards to the remaining countries of Central America.

But despite all else, here is Guatemala:

In Belize, I had the opportunity to spend a few days in a spanish speaking community and while I was there, I was told about how terrible Guatemala is. “Mala” is spanish, actually is translated as bad, so it’s an unfortunate pun for Guatemala, to have the word “Bad” in its name. Within all this, I was told what an awful, dangerous, and unpleasant place Guatemala, and specifically, Guatemala City is.
It’s no great secret that Guatemala is known to be an excessively dangerous place, with Guatemala City being the apex of its precariousness. Look it up. It’s in the news, on the internet, and ask anyone that’s been there. Even one of my relatives has an unsettling story of what happened to her and her group of volunteers in Guatemala, just to show you how common and how close to home these things happen. Not convinced yet? Try this: everyone in Guatemala owns several cellphones; now, there are many countries where the people own several cellphones, but not for the same reason as Guatemala. Guatemalans own, at least, two phones so that when they get robbed at gunpoint, that they can give up their less-preferred phone without too much trouble from their gunman. A lady from a church in a particularly dangerous zone (Guatemala City is divided into zones) told us that we should leave because of how dangerous it is, especially when the sun starts to set.

Look, I could talk for an extended amount of time about it, but the point is: even in the darkest of places, God wants His light to shine.

Some of the most generous people, inviting and friendly, are Guatemalans, and exponentially more for the Christians of the Calvary Chapel Guatemala that we were working with. It’s thus far true, that everywhere we go, we connect hearts with people there to the extent that it hurts to leave them, which I think it’s a good sign of how the Church as a Body of Christ should work. To the degree that I could mention the dangers of the city of Guatemala, I could spend a much larger degree of time mentioning the endless love and enjoyment that we had in Guatemala with our brothers and sisters of the small church there, who constantly pour themselves out into their community, such as the poverty-stricken areas like Santa Lucia in the mountains, or Zona 18 where the drug dealers reign over the law.

The Light will always outshine the darkness, eventually and eternally.

So needless to say, Guatemala was amazing for us. We were blessed to be involved with the church, being able to do worship for them, to go into the city and passing out flyers and sharing the gospel, and to do construction work and social work in Santa Lucia, leading up to a outreach there with the entire community.

My time in Guatemala had its own struggles for me, being that I was the leader of our team of 9 people during that time (to hear more about that, email me at rootsofxistence@hotmail.com and ask for me email updates), and majority of the people we worked alongside did not speak very much english. Most of our team does not speak very much spanish, so I had to spend a lot of time figuring out what was going on, despite all the miscommunications, but we survived, and made our way to Roatan, Honduras, after a sketchy taxi ride and a shady hotel. But that - is a different story for a different update, but I leave you with one quote.

While we were passing out flyers, Corey Grueter managed to give a flyer to a jogger passing by; as the jogger passed by the pastor Francisco, and Francisco comically fake-ran after him, and Corey stated that he had already got the jogger, to which Francisco replied in his limited English, as dry as can be, “You save my life”.

They just great people who sincerely like to have fun and take seriously all aspects of life, including enjoying their lives. Guatemala was a trip, literally.

and so now i write you from El Salvador 2 days away from our departure to Nicaragua. we are still in dire need of financial support, but God has made out time in Nicaragua possible, just in the knick of time, so we are still looking to Jesus for the rest of the trip.

next update - Honduras

A fond hello to you all, please read this entire message, eh?
eh?

Basically, this is not so much as an update as it is an importance notice of request, both urgent and relevant.

As most of you may know, if you have been reading my blog (www.myallyistheforce.blogspot.com) or reading my email updates or even facebook status updates, i, along with the RHYTHM team of S.E.N.D ministries of 8 other people, are approximately halfway through our excursion throughout all of central america. Currently, i am writing you from Potter's Field Ranch of San Martin, of El Salvador, but this information i will share for an update.

this is where the importance comes in:
i state this somewhat shamefully
as i have never been able to do such things easily
but we left california with tickets from Tijuana Mexico to Chetumal by the border of Belize, and we have plane tickets from Panama City, Panama back to LA, California, on October 31st.
we left with half of the money that we estimated that we needed for the whole trip.
we obviously, are halfway through our trip.
that meaning, we have ran out of financial support.
i want to say that none of us are freaking out.

we may individually have certain anxiety, fears, worries, or whatever else, but we are trusting in God in all things, including this.

in 10 days we are scheduled to go to Nicaragua, we have enough money to arrive there

and then, nothing more, at all.

and i desperately need to say two things: the first being that i truly do have a hard time asking for money, in any scenario, i hate that feeling, it's just the reality of it, and the second thing is, i am not writing this to scare anyone into giving money.

i can expand on both these issues with one idea (two birds, one stone, always preferred method)

God is Almighty. if you read this and don't be believe in God (which is an issue all to it's own), you must still understand that the idea of God is completely functional on the fact that He is Almighty, theology doesn't work unless God is Almighty (in regards to power, knowledge, presence, and beyond - infiniteness)

so i write all these things to let you know of the truth of the situation, the facts - if you feel obligated by some other convicting power other than God and the Holy Spirit, then disregard that obligation.
i don't need your money
i, and the team i am with, we need support, it's true, but we want God's Provision.
The israelites in the Bible were reprimanded by God for going to Egypt for resource, help, and protection, instead of God - i don't intend to make the same mistake

if we don't get the financial support, we will be forced one way or another to go home
i'm okay with this fact; i don't think, however, that's what God wants to do, but if it is, this is okay with me.

if you support, and i pray that those whom God asks, will, i don't want it out of obligation - because i could probably raise the money, or steal it, or sell a kidney or something outrageous, but that is not what God is calling me or this team to do, He's calling us to trust him, in all things, and to press in and ask Him to provide the impossible (at this point, the money we need is quite implausible and i hesitate to even say; IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE FINANCIAL NEED, CONTACT ME VIA EMAIL AT THIS ADDRESS OR FACEBOOK)
In the Bible is a story of a wise leader of the Sanhedrin of Jews, Gamaliel (acts 5:33-39) where Gamaliel tells the people to leave the apostles of Christ alone and stop trying to persecute them, because if it is a work of God through the Apostles, then the people will find themselves fighting and striving against God, rather than just the men.
in a similar fashion, if you gain the money outside of God's provision, then i, and whoever gives financially out of obligation because i made them feel bad, might be striving against something God might want to do.

i'm really not worried, but i really do need financial support, but i really don't want it unless God provides it

so, please, step back, get with the Lord, and pray, and ask concerning this issue (this you should feel obligated to do). Ask the Lord if this is an issue that you need to support (there are thousands of missionaries in the world, who all need support, we SHOULD be supporting someone, no matter what)
and at the very least and most, please pray for us, if you have already, please do! write to me, ask me how's its going, let me tell you stories of what God is doing

if you want to support, and are lead to do so
please visit my blog, and find the support button via PAYPAL (www.myallyistheforce.blogspot.com)
OR
you can send cash or checks to SEND MINISTRIES - Erik Mason at this address


Send Ministries
885 Vista Way
Vista,Ca 92084

with fastings, and prayer, and sincere needs, i write these, hope to write you in 10 days telling you how God did a miracle for us, God bless you all, and us.

with dire and urgent, and a slightly embarrassed regards
ERIK JAMES MASON

So i've decided for sake of simplicity, and also desiring to write an email update for some people, i devised to use this blogspot as a summary of each country, as well as either urgent, important, emergency, or just relevant updates. if you would like to be on my email updates, please, just write me at rootsofxistence@hotmail.com and i would love to be able to update you there.

without further adieux

Belize


we arrived in Chetumal, Mexico, and met Pastor Joel Meyers there along with his 9-year old son Elias and we drove from Chetumal, into the Country of Belize, and specifically Belize City. we spent three weeks in Belize, two in Belize City, and the other week in Punta Gorda, Machaca, which is near the border of Guatemala.
it was an amazing time. Kriol (creole) is an awesome language that i've really grown to enjoy hearing, as well as i've really grown to love Belizean culture and people. although it is extremely diverse, i'd still say that belizean are of their own, whether they are mayan or asian, or carribbean.
we spent a lot of time Port Loyola, which is a small town with big problems (movie quote), and we helped out with the Calvary Chapel there, by playing worship, and sharing devotions, prayer walks, evangelizing, and a lot of just being there to hang out with the children.
it's a hard thing to see how innocent children will adapt aggressive survival styles, according to their environment, yet all the while they are still precious innocent children, who want and need loving attention that a negligent or absent parent should be providing.
one of my favorite stories concerning this, is the day of the "hurricane/thunderstorm". basically, it rains a lot and this particular day, i saw lighting strike just about a hundred yards away from me and my companion, Mark. it was some of the heavier rain for that area, and for most of us in general. we were attempting to work on the church that day, but the rain made it quite impossible to do anything constructive for the church on the outside building. some kids, we noticed, grabbed a ball and kicked it across the already-flooded (in about 5 minutes time) futbol (soccer) field, and thus with that one kick from a child's unclothed feet, started a massive game of futbol involving about 20 children, a few older belizeans, and a bunch of white people from america (me and my group). you couldn't even kick the ball properly because it was floating off the group in a few inches (sometimes and some places... several inches) off the ground, so you have to scoop it with your foot or baby it along the water. occasionally, lightning would strike and all the children would fall to the ground and duck. i'm not sure if they understand physical science just yet, but i thought it was funny to watch and it gave me an opportune chance to make a goal.
there's a lot of stories like that, it was adventurous there in Port Loyola.
we also, spent 3 days fully carrying out Matthew 10 literally. that's right, we were given enough money for a bus, a lil extra for maybe a bus ride home, and told to not return to belize city until 3 days after. we were separated into 3 groups, and we went to 3 different places throughout Belize. my group went to a spanish speaking part called Belmopan. i would love to share all the details of the story, but simply to say, we got to an area called Salvapan, then we prayed. then i had to use the restroom, but we were in a neighborhood (salvapan isn't a city or anything, it's just a residental side) but this one family, and specifically the mother Blanca, insisted that i use their household restroom. i was humbled. through that experience, we met a pastor, who arranged for us to have a place to stay, and we helped with the church and got to meet several people in the area, and be involved with their church service. we never went hungry, we never went unsheltered, and God provided in abundance.
the last week was Machaca.
Machaca is beautiful, and beyond that it was a youth camp (although youth is somewhat relative, a lot of the "kids" were older than me). so i was a counselor and small group leaders for a while. i have so many stories about that, but it was an awesome and tiring time, keeping up with those kids. but it was amazing to be able to pour into their lives and pray for them and love them as a shepherd loves his sheep.
there's countless stories to tell.
not enough time to tell.
but now we're in guatemala, and watching already how the Lord provides for us.
please keep us in your prayers.
and write me so i can tell you more stories!

It's hard to write long messages on an iTouch so I'm just going to say two things:
We're in Guatemala city, and I and Lindsay Gries are leading the team for the next two weeks.

Guatemala city is big.
Sorry, three things then.

Okay, four but no more:
Belize is great and we love it there

Belize City.
Belize is just one of those countries that majority of us could never find on a map, that's just the way it is.
it's a beautiful world, tainted and twisted in full effect of the Fall of Sin in the World.

Rape.
Domestic Abuse.
Murders.
Drug abuse.
Child Abuse.
Poverty.
Thievery.

Come one, Come all.

statistics say that belize city has one of the highest murders rates per capita.
Port Loyola is considered to be one of the highest density of crime for Belize city, a part of town that is rival to another neighborhood. that's where the Calvary Chapel is.
But people nowadays don't quite understand the reality of statistics, we're desensitized.
so here's some physical evidence:
we missed a drive-by shooting, that transpired only a few minutes before we drove into town.
While witness to a guy a lil older than me, i saw 3-5 drug deals, and at least 2 instances of illicit drug use.

those are just some examples.

this is what we do, since we do not war against flesh and blood.
We wake up to Jesus, and spend time hearing from Him and speaking to Him
We have time as a group, getting into His Word and worshipping Him.
We go to Port Loyola and spend time, working on the church, playing with kids, walking around asking people if they want prayer and telling them not just about Jesus, they know a lot of Jesus. What they don't know is a lot about what He said, such as, "pick up your cross, deny yourself, and follow Me".
We pray and intercede for these people.
We hear the voice of the Lord concerning them.
We uplift other missionaries with encouragement.
We also play futbol in lightning storms with dozens of kids, to prove them that we love them, and to prove to them that God loves them.

We're not crazy, nor special, most of the time we're just people that move dirt around.
But we do it for the Lord, and we do it to see these people come to a deep relationship, intimate with their Creator.

that's just a small bit of what's going on.
but i think that all requires another update, perhaps in guatemala, or at least not 2 in the morning, besides, i think there's a rat in the house that i have to go kill before he gets in our bags (coincidently, i just watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - i'm sorry, splinter!!)

week one, day 2, saturday, july 24
- well, i've been in belize long enough to make my first landmark. but not of land. but of time. but i'm too tired to remember the word.
i'm going to try to explain the schedule here, for Rhythm, hence the lack of eloquent descriptive element.
Belize, Belize City
-Sunday, we split into two groups, a smaller group goes to South Belize (Seine Bight) where the Pastor of Port Loyola (which is where we are based out of here while being here in Belize) is currently teaching at a smaller church and a school in a smaller village in those areas, covering for another pastor who is away.
-last monday, we had a very different mission, but which will require more information, so i'll skip it, but we typically will do work projects on monday through wednesday,
        -have a fun night with the church group called VOLUME,
        -and eat dinner with some of the creole(kriol) families from the church,
        -then have the actual service on wednesday.
-thursday is our fun day, to go explore belize and do something... tourist-y. it's kinda sweet, but then i feel kinda tourist-y which isn't sweet. but who can complain about seeing mayan ruins? well, i can. it was hot and the monuments were way too high.
-friday can be either going door to door evangelism in Port Loyola (did i mention that Belize city is one of the most dangerous cities per capita in the world and Port Loyola is one of the two most dangerous areas? food for thought) or a work day before we do an evangelic small outreach in the area.
-saturday is our team day, to come together, and to intercede for the country, and to just get stuff done.

at the end of our time here in Belize, we will actually go south, to Bible Boot Camp, which is a conference for people to study and grow in the scriptures, They are going through Acts, and through Judges, as well as doing a worship class, and an Inductive Bible Study class, among a few others. we are going to help facilitate and basically be camp counselors.
from there it's Guatemala, which we have only heard bad things about, ever.
i'll write another blog later with some of the stories and descriptions, and hopefully i'll regain my sense and my writing flair which apparently dissipates with extreme heat and humidity.
-erik mason

oh snap.
in Belize.
outside of belize city.
supposedly, extremely dangerous.
but we're alright.
we've only been here a day so i don't really got anything to say, other than.
we are so desperate need for prayer.
me specifically.
i'm out on a limb, down deep in a pit, and just trying not to get thrashed so hard by everything going on in life, including myself.

but hey, we're alive and well, the spirit is within us, because He died and rose again.

it's going to be wild, it's going to be great, it's going to be full of ME.

i know i'm being told all this.
but it's hard to really believe sometimes, or accept, or understand.
or just something.
a lot of times i just feel like a kid.
a kid with a lot of overdraft fees.
who doesn't like to wear shoes
who doesn't have the best hygiene
who sometimes feels alone
that doesn't own much
and hasn't really accomplished much
but who really really wants to know God and hear His Voice, so much.

Lord, i know you are calling me to be the man of God you want.
so help me, please.
over and out, social world.

this isn't anything more to say.
goodbye, in advance.
because when the hammer falls, there will be no time for anything other than preparing for the percussion.
yea.
just one thought-
it says in some ancient book scribed through the account of a young man (if not adolescent), that a group of mismatched transient men were following after a well-known teacher, accordingly, they called Him "Rabboni". They were going up to an ancient city that still can be located today, and all that the account recollects about their passing is this: He was walking on ahead of them; and they (the group of men) were amazed, and those who followed were fearful.

it doesn't say that He was doing anything.
they were walking, following, not even talking.
but the personage of who this was and the situation of surrounding events, some of which to come, were causing these formerly ordinary men, (who, had seen themselves and more so this Man pour of the Power of God in immense humility, and much more in days to come, but that is foreshadowing), to simply be amazed at this personage of unfathomable wonder.

now, if you didn't know who this is referring to, (of whom, you really don't know, i'll just tell you that it's Jesus Christ of Nazareth), wouldn't this beg some sort of question? something, to the extent of:

what about or concerning this man would make these men simply be amazed at His presence?

now that begs a much more relevant but, for some undisclosed reason, seemingly less intriguing question:

If this man promised that He would make his dwellings inside of us (proverbially, insinuates the spirit of man), why are we so often not amazed at His presence?

why are we not amazed in the same way that these formerly ordinary men, who eventually would be so amazed by this one, Jesus Christ, that they died horrible deaths rather than denying him?

Jesus Christ is amazing.

Just following Him up a hill is incredible, not because the things He does necessitates amazement necessarily, but because of the person Jesus Christ is, innately.

He is like fire.
He is like water.
He is like wind.
He is like earth.
He is like light.
He is like honey.
He is like oil.
He is love.
He is mercy.
He is grace.
He is power.
He is forever.
He is all.

He is God.

if i'm not amazed by Him, something has gone horribly awry.

Juneau Alaska is... undoubtedly... one of the most beautiful places, i have ever seen with my eyes (38+ USA states, 20+ countries by 'quick count)

yet i never actually considered such a time when the Spirit of God, in all its power and beauty, would inhabit my hometown mightily.

i sense and hope and pray that this day would be and possibly is, drawing near with every sunset and sunrise absent day that is solely a characteristic of Juneau's equinox solar patterns and spiritual state.

i worry.

i fear that like a battery running low on power, so that the work that God is doing may start to lose power, on our accounts (never His)
i fear that i may pray (in voice for Jesus) the same statement that Jesus cried over Jerusalem

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were unwilling.

When He approached Jerusalem, He saw the city and wept over it

i surrender these anxieties to the Lord.

We often view the process that we have so colorlessly yet simply picturesquely deems as "dying to self" as one that is a public spectacle that everyone seems to feel inclined to witness.

watch me die

if you can

because i intend for my cross-carrying death
to take place on the altar.

in the holy of holies, where not all may enter.

because, many of us die
some would say we're always dying inside

most of these are dying outside the camp, as far away as possible from the One

( i think it's safe to say that their amount of distance is translatable to their rate of deceasing, not realizing that Life is found in Him, that healing is found in the Healer, and that the darkness that can dull and kill so slowly yet so rapid as to become uncontainable is dispelled and diminished in His Glorious Light)

it's paradoxical to say that Abundant and Vibrant life is found on dying on the altar, presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice, a sweet smelling aroma unto the Living One...

but paradoxical ideals and ideas are most certainly the ideals and ideas that carry the most weight and depth

these paradoxical conceptions, are the only things that can affect and transform and advance

this is a concept, needing much expansion - Christianity is full of paradoxical states, which, seemingly, is exactly why it works

i'm sure there is something spiritually medicinal when sharing great wisdom from great men and women of God, even if, too often, not-great men can hardly believe these things, no matter how many times memorized or applied.

Just curious:
How many times have i cried out to the Savior to be Saved, or to the Beloved to be Loved?

it would seem that we are all spiritual goldfish, forgetting the works of our Father only mere moments from when they transpired and we were shaken to the core. Yet we are like a Library of Records of Events of Carnality, always quick to remember the difficulties and shame and hardships and failures.

indeed, we do not lose heart, though our outer man is decay (passing away), yet the inner man is being renewed day by day

but i've known the World and my Flesh for quite some time. This inner man, this Soul and Spirit, is quite an unacquainted stranger, even still (even though, we have met numerous times on numerous various accounts)

If i shared a little secret with the formulation of a question with this open space of blank text...
i'm not sure if the lack of weight and depth i am talking to would ever understand...
on the account that most things that are truly great and beautiful are too hard for us to understand
they're either too small or strange or wild or simple

they're always not what we want or expect

which is why we don't see them, i think.

So- this is the secret, wearing a costume of a question.

please consider-

Do you perchance know why it says in 2nd Corinthians 12
that "My Grace is SUFFICIENT for you;"?
if Grace abounds all the more, as it says in Romans, then why is Grace merely only "sufficient"?

i am literally afraid that no introduction or preface could or will make the congregation of readers/listeners understand the gravity and depth. i'm concerned that no prelude or prologue will deliver the life-changing power of such a point, alongside a conviction that cuts them to the heart and soul as mine own have been (Yet such is the case in many other areas of revelation that go unheeded simply because there is no promotion stable enough to hold the weight; not as a deterrence, but have you ever considered what Paul from Tarsus wrote and what the Holy Spirit meant; "the unfathomable riches of Christ" or "you were formerly darkness, but now you ARE light"?).

without further delaying and distraction

the reason that our particular verse concerning Grace is so specifically phrased as Sufficient and not more, is:

logically, deductively, inquisitively, spiritually, and just simply blunt:

because you need every drop of it.

because you need every single last drop of its mighty out-pouring that God inundates us with.

- and the sooner you figure that out, and retain it, and hold on to it every single moment of our seemingly pitiful existence;
the sooner we will all be great men and women of God, because we'll see how pitiful our existences truly are, without the entitling/vehicular Grace that leads to Empowerment from the Spirit and from the Resurrection of Christ, our glory.

as i laid there
on the floor of the room where i once contemplated the Revelation of God to man
broken and hurting
weak and unable
with a Bible stretched out, as my eyes fixated on
"My Grace is sufficient for you; For Power is perfected in Weakness."

broken hearts and cloudy minds can't pray like the way they are suppose to.
despondent souls and detached spirits can't feel their Creator as the Father cares to.

The Helper intercedes
with groanings too deep for words to understand
because i don't know how to pray
i don't know how to pray in a way to express the horrors of shame and failure and pain

But the One who gave it all, does,

and sends His Spirit to empower

so that we can dissipate the things that make our hearts insincere
and come before our holy God in our time of need, honest broken hearts

and God looks to us

and our cries

and His loving arms embrace

and squeeze

squeezes the darkness out

as my mind races with things i want to communicate
and my mouth pours out things that i don't understand
and my broken ugly pieces of heart-substance shed their disgusting coverings
and my soul is enveloped by light and love

20 minutes pending - i was hopeless

5 minutes- pending - i am awaken and alive

the Power of God and His Resurrection

GOD IS MOVING
Shall we move with Him?
God is on the move
Are we moving with Him?

i'm thankful

i'm thankful for God's creation

i'm thankful for the brothers and sisters i have in Christ

i'm thankful for His mercy that He consistently has for me

I'm thankful for His loving arms and saving hand

I'm thankful for the abundant blessings He gives

I'm thankful that He speaks

I'm thankful that He atoned for my sins that i might be able to commune with Him freely

I'm thankful that He delights in my praises

I'm thankful for the ministry He has given me

I'm thankful for knowledge and wisdom

i'm thankful for spiritual gifts

i'm thankful for His Spirit, for guidance and empowerment

I'm thankful for His love, everlasting love

i'm thankful for His grace that is sufficient

i'm thankful for His still soft whisper

I'm thankful for His position as High Priest, who emphasizes with all of my humanity

I'm thankful for His prayer for me while in the garden

I'm thankful for compassion on the distressed and dispirited lost

i'm thankful for his strength and power

i'm thankful for His answers to prayers

I'm thankful for His sanctification

I'm thankful for His propitiation

I'm thankful for His desire for us and delight in me

I'm thankful for providence

I'm thankful for His guidance

I'm thankful for His sweetness

I'm thankful for His broken heart

I'm thankful for His healing on us

I'm thankful for the chance to be thankful

I'm thankful
help me be thankful, Lord.

i wouldn't necessarily say this is the calm before the storm
because as this ship of my life sets out, it has no idea whether the sea holds an adventure of calms and refuge, or qualms and deluge.
and sincerely, it's fairly irrelevant information, and it always was.
i counted the cost way before life ever took me here.
and as that famous church song resounds, either idly or passionately, "Jesus paid it all"- and i wouldn't assume that this New Life doesn't require any less of me
obviously not in the sense that i can ever pay back the vast amount that Jesus paid, but that i might - offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, - I will pay my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people, -

i find it no coincidence that while the bible teachers are speaking about faith, my faith would be put to the test
not my saving entitling faith, of being a christian
but the type that signifies dependency and confidence
that says, " We don't know what to do... but our eyes are on You"

there's no methodology for life, there's no formulas, there's no script, nor blueprints.
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
all i can do is set my mind on the things above
i don't know what else to do
all that i'm even pretty sure is, that's all i can do, and that's what i need to do

even if everything and everyone changes around me, and nothing is the same, everything's changed
i'm not going to do anything differently,
i'm convinced the answer to everything is, just wake up, pray to God that we would hear Him and believe Him, and go from there

He'll speak
if i listen...

i think that's a big part of faith, awareness and trust.

RHYTHM starts tomorrow


The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn things. - G.K. Chesterton

Ladies and Gentleman, Friends and Family
With this, i embark on a new chapter of this adventure, of the desperate romance of Christianity.

*NEW REVISE* (i figured this one was easier to read)